Binary - by Geoffrey Thorne

24.10.07 , Posted by Geoff Thorne at 11:28

"Oh, hey, what's going on here?" 

"Uh, Armageddon, pearly gates, lake of fire. Where have you been?" 

"Well, um, dead, mostly." 

"It's Judgement Day, dude. Get it in gear." 

"OMG! That's REAL?" 

 "Seems that way." 

 "So that's what all these folks are lined up for?" 

 "Pretty much. See that little speck way down there by the gates?" 

 "Barely. There must be like a million people in this line." 

 "More, I bet. Anyway. That's Jesus down there." 

 "No shit." 

 "Straight up. JC." 

 "What's he doing?" 

 "Talking, catching up. Checking tickets." 


 "You know: to get in. To see the Big Guy. Heaven, man." 



 "Looks like that's gonna take some time." 


 "So, uh, where's the Buddhist line?" 

 "There isn't one. Christians only." 

 "Excuse me, what?" 

 "Christians only. One gate. One ticket taker. Jesus." 

 "What about Zoroasterans?" 


 "Shinto? Animist? Muslim?" 

 "Nope, nope, nope." 

 "'Christians only.'" 

"Pretty much. I heard the Jews might have cut a separate 
deal but don't quote me." 



 "Nice for the Christians." 

 "Yeah. It is." 

 "Kinda sucks for everybody else." 

 "Yeah. It does, I guess. But what are ya gonna do. We don't make the rules, right?" 

 "Somebody should complain." 

 "To who?" 

 "Well, I mean, God I guess. Or JC." 

 "Yeah, I don't know how much traction that will get, to be honest with you. It's kind of too late for all that. Capital T, capital L." 

 "Because of the whole Armageddon thing." 

 "Pretty much." 


 "For some, yeah." 

 "So what, they all burn in the lake?" 

 "Yeah. That's what the other line's for." 

 "What other line?" 
 "See that over there, it looks like a mountain range? By the horizon." 


 "That's the line for the lake." 

 "Holy CRAP!" 


 "It's huge!" 

 "I heard like 20 billion or something. Could be a rumor." 

 "That's- that's like everybody in the world, EVER." 

 "Everybody ELSE, yeah." 

 "No. No, that's. That's effed up, man. Come on." 

 "You think so?" 

 "Are you kidding? You're kidding, right?" 

 "Not at all."

 "But, come ON, that's insane over there. All those people, they're gonna burn for eternity in a big lava pit?" 

 "Pretty much." 


 "Hey, it's not like they didn't have ample warning. It was in all the papers for like, you know, EVER." 

"Yeah, but I mean, Buddhism. Who hates Buddhists?" 

 "Nobody I know." 

 "There's a lot to be said for Buddhism, right?" 

 "Sure. No question. Great people. Great ideas." 

 "My Dad was a Buddhist." 

 "Hey, great. That must have been cool for him." 

 "But he's probably in that other line then, huh?" 

 "Did he convert before he died?" 


 "Probably, yeah." 

 "Mom was an Episcopalian." 

 "HEY! Great! Awesome for her." 

 "Looks like it." 

 "What about you? You a Buddhist or what?" 

 "Or What, I guess. I could never put my feet down on the whole Universe Run By Magic Santa Claus thing." 


 "What can I say." 

 "Bet you regret that now." 

 "I'm starting to." 

 "Where are you going?" 

 "Other line, right? Might as well get to it." 

 "Wow. You're taking this REALLY well." 

 "Hey, you dance with who brung ya, right?" 

 "I suppose so." 

 "Besides. I think I see Mark Twain and George Carlin over there." 

 "I wouldn't doubt it. 'specially Carlin. That guy had a real Jones near the end." 

 "Funny though." 

 "Yeah. Funny." 

 "Twain too. And I think that might be Oscar Wilde next to them." 

 "Plus you get to see your Dad again. For a while anyway." 

 "A long while. Look at that line." 

 "Okay, then." 


 "So, uh, "good luck?"" 

 "What with the burning for all eternity? Thanks. I bet I get the hang of it pretty quick." 

 "Yeah. Doesn't look complex." 

 "And y'know, have fun in heaven." 

 "Oh, I plan to. There's a rock candy mountain with my name on it. Special order." 

 "They let you do that?" 

 "Oh, yeah. But you had to sweat for it in Life, y'know. It's that whole delayed gratification thing."

  "Never was much good at that either." 

 "..... Well." 

 "So, seeya." 

 " I guess." 

 "But, I mean, not really." 

 "No. Not really." 

 copyright ©2007 geoffrey thorne, all rights reserved

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